Feo! An Uncomfortable Commentary.

“Okay you’re pretty
Your face is a work of art…”

“…with an ugly heart”
Ugly Heart by GRL

I have heard the word “ugly” used so much here recently that it drives me crazy.

They’ll use it referring to passersby, strangers, relatives, friends, celebrities.  No one is immune to being stamped ugly, therefore inferior and unworthy of existence in their eyes. You’d think that saying it a lot, your own beauty is magnified.  Ummm, not really, in fact the opposite becomes true.

I’ve had it with people putting others down to build themselves up.  I know it happens, but I won’t stick around to be enveloped in that garbage, I won’t be a part of it or pretend to go along with it.

At first I noticed it was women speaking ill of other women, but no, grown mature men speak that way too.  Everyone is ugly except their husbands/lovers, and their children. Those are oh so beautiful that it goes without saying!

It gets blurted out “Eww, he/she’s so ugly!” Out of nowhere!  Out of context! Without knowing the person!

That is soooo childish.  Lets grow up.

It’s also a judgement they are instilling in their children, to mock others and put them down based solely on appearance.  And from what I can see, it’s taken hold in their next generation. Hopefully, their kids will outgrow it someday.

It’s especially common speech with some good church going Christian people I know who go to the local mega church. image I’m glad I missed that sermon “Go forth ridicule those whose looks you don’t like.”    But, I checked my bible, and mockery and malice are not among the “fruits of the spirit.”

Funny how some people will staunchly defend Christianity, and give no mind to living it out moment to moment, day to day.  But come Sunday it’s all “Praise the Lord!  Ain’t God good!” And they get away with it.  Seems mindfulness is not a big part of that religion or the local pastoring.  There’s no sense that Christian living, calling yourself a Christian, involves a large amount of meekness and humility.

Calling others ugly must be one of the privileges of being a Christian.  That’s what’s being represented to me by these good and faithful disciples.  Never mind what is called for in Philippians 5-8.

I don’t like using the word “ugly” in reference to people.  They think there’s something wrong with me! They think I’m faking not liking the use of that word in regard to anybody.  Why would I do that?  It’s easier to go with the flow and ha, ha ,ha  laugh it off. Anyone who knows me knows I have a heart for people.  Not just my relatives or loved ones, but for the stranger and the unloved. With so many times I’ve heard people called ugly my heart is getting worn out.

They can stop using that word and others like it. Changing your speech elevates your mind and spirit.  But they probably won’t.  It’s not part of the culture of these beautiful people.

You think god speaks of people that way? Then he might be saying it of you.  But if he does, I’ll call him out on your behalf too.

Ugly, especially in regard to a persons appearance is so subjective, that intelligent and sensitive people don’t use it much.  For thirty years living elsewhere, I can’t remember hearing it used as much as it’s used here.

I will call a situation ugly, a state of mind or attitude ugly, an event ugly. Even an idea.  But not a  man, woman, or child.  It’s more of a judgement than I want to pass onto a human being, I know it doesn’t make me a better or more beautiful person.

Why do I feel this way?  Because I do feel a oneness with all of humanity.  Injustice to one, is injustice to all, is injustice to myself.

I haven’t heard it said of me to my face yet, but I don’t doubt they’ve had singalongs and dances referring to me as ugly.  It’s like the local pastime, calling people ugly.

They’ve said it about people I know and love. That’s a wide circle for the hippie in me. That hurts more than if they were saying it to me about me.

“Feo” is the way it’s said in Spanish.  It’s the go to for local conversation.  That, and “pato,” and “gordo”  are the trinity of most conversation in my community.  Malicious, idle chatter.  Can’t help it, off the top I know relevant Bible verses, and have to add 1 Timothy 5:13.  A study of varying translations of the last part of that verse can be quite illuminating.

I now live in a largely Spanish community and that’s where I hear it the most. No wonder many of our people don’t get ahead much.

They value ignorance more than knowledge, vanity more than love.

Now, if you try to start a conversation about personal development, self improvement or helping your fellow man, it’s like yelling fire in a crowded theater, everyone wants to run.  You can speak ill and negatively and you’re in the club, but try uplifting talk and no one wants to hear about it.  You’re weird.

The concept of your words having power, of creating your reality, has not reached here yet.  So rather than evolve for the better, they perpetuate ignorance and malice with their words.

I feel sorry for those who think name calling and maligning are a great way to show they are better than others.

I was insulted the other night for bringing this up, for saying I was uncomfortable with this kind of conversation.  For not being on the same page of agreeing to call others ugly, I was called a phony, a hypocrite, and worse.

So now it’s out there.  Something known about me. I’ve tried to blend in, but I won’t anymore, the cost to my soul is too high.

My friends, you are all lovely to me.

It’s the heart that is lovely or ugly.

That’s something you cannot see by looking at the superficial, at the surface, but that is where real beauty and ugliness resides.

And as for me, since I don’t belong with that crowd, I’ll be happily sitting off to the side with the “ugly” ones.





One thought on “Feo! An Uncomfortable Commentary.

  1. It’s sad to hear that you’re noticing that type of ill-spirited comments in your community. Unfortunately, it might seem to reflect on their own “insecurities”. They might find it easier to criticize others “superficially” only based on their looks than it is to deal with their own “internal demons”.

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